


Broken Bonds

by slythatheart



Series: No Strings [9]
Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, I'm Sorry, M/M, no really i am
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-02
Updated: 2013-01-02
Packaged: 2017-11-23 08:35:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/620161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slythatheart/pseuds/slythatheart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Dave starts pulling away, what is Sebastian supposed to do? He wants to help...he just doesn't know how.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken Bonds

**Author's Note:**

> Let me just preface this with an apology. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for how painful Lifeline was. I'm sorry for how long I've left you hanging. And I'm sorry for…well…everything. Just…yeah. I'm sorry.
> 
> Approximately one week after Lifeline, near the beginning of summer vacation.

They would have a good day, Sebastian promised himself, no matter what.

They would spend the morning at the mall (Dave wanted a new Buckeyes jersey and Sebastian just wanted Dave to not hermit himself in his house), then they could grab some lunch and see a movie. It wouldn't feel like Dave was hovering on the edge of something he refused to talk about, or like Sebastian had done something he couldn't pinpoint to make Dave feel awkward around him.

It wouldn't, because Sebastian refused to let it.

He settled into a seat at the mall entrance where he and Dave had agreed to meet. He was ten minutes early, which wasn't unusual for him. The nervous desire to check his watch every fifteen seconds, however, was definitely unusual. He shoved his hands deeply into his pockets, determined to stop acting so twitchy.

Sebastian hated the way nothing had felt normal since Mrs. Karofsky's visit over a week earlier, and how nothing he'd tried had seemed to really help for more than a few minutes.

Dave's behavior had been strange, so much so that Sebastian felt lost. At first he'd assumed it was all in reaction to that afternoon. It made sense – Dave had been understandably upset – but after a few days he couldn't help but notice that the only person Dave was acting strangely around was Sebastian. The idea that Dave was upset or uncomfortable around him left Sebastian more worried than ever.

He hadn't done anything wrong, at least nothing that he could think of. And when he'd asked Dave if he had – which Sebastian could admit had been more times than he probably should have, yet nowhere near as many times as he'd _thought_ about asking – Dave just looked at him like he was crazy and replied with 'of course not', or some variation of the same.

But if Sebastian hadn't done anything, and Dave wouldn't talk about whatever was bothering him, how could he possibly find a way to make it better?

Dave had been so hot and cold with him, wavering between more affectionate than ever and acting as though any form of loving attention came with an incurable disease. There were moments when Sebastian felt like Dave just wanted to wrap them up together in a cocoon away from the rest of the world, and other times where Dave had been so distant that Sebastian wondered if he should just go away and let his boyfriend have some time alone.

Except, well…the one time he'd suggested doing that, Dave had practically _begged_ Sebastian to stay.

It was confusing. The term 'mixed signals' didn't even begin to cover it.

The absolute worst moments were the ones where they started so close and ended so distant, like a few days earlier. Sebastian and Dave had been curled around each other, watching a movie and just enjoying the afternoon; Dave had been pressing warm kisses along Sebastian's neck and running his fingers along Sebastian's palm. It had been so relaxed and easy, but all it had taken was a slight shift and a happy sigh from Sebastian, and suddenly Dave was pulling away, mumbling something about needing more snacks. When he came back he settled himself in an armchair instead of back with Sebastian.

If it had just been the once, Sebastian wouldn't have given it much thought, but in the last week he'd counted twelve – _twelve_ – different times where Dave just abruptly turned cold without any warning or explanation. There was no way Sebastian was just being paranoid, no matter what Dave said when he brought it up.

The first time it happened, he had thought that maybe it was about sex; maybe Dave's self-esteem had taken a beating and he didn't feel confident or attractive. Sebastian could understand that – even though it wasn't something he'd ever had an issue with personally, he knew that a lot of people did. But Dave had made it very obvious, later the same day, that that wasn't the case. They'd been having just as much sex as ever, which left Sebastian even more confused.

There were only three things that Sebastian could think of as being the problem, and none of them were things he knew how to fix.

Dave could be getting over him. He could be losing interest because of something Sebastian had done – or _hadn't_ done – or just because Sebastian was, well, Sebastian. He'd been pretty sure at the very beginning that he'd fuck this up…it was possible he finally had. But if that were the case, then why was Dave still being warm and caring half the time? Why would he sometimes look at Sebastian like nothing else even existed? It just didn't make sense and Dave was so _adamant_ that Sebastian hadn't done anything wrong. Sebastian would probably have dismissed this possibility entirely if it wasn't the one that scared him the most. Even with all the reasons why it wasn't likely, Sebastian couldn't stop a tiny part of his brain from worrying about it.

Could Dave be feeling insecure about how vulnerable he'd been in front of Sebastian? Maybe he felt awkward or uncomfortable…or like a burden. He knew that his boyfriend occasionally thought of himself that way; his mother's words of blame could have only made that worse. Could Dave be pulling away because he thought he was leaning on Sebastian too much? Sebastian didn't know what more he could do as reassurance. He'd always tried to make sure Dave knew Sebastian would never _ever_ feel burdened by him. No matter what happened, he wanted to help and be there if Dave needed him. If that were the problem, Sebastian could only keep doing what he was doing and try to be patient. But the idea of letting Dave feel that way and doing nothing to help him made Sebastian feel useless. And if the problem was something else and Sebastian just let it be…would that just make everything worse?

The only other thing that Sebastian thought may be causing the issue was the first thought he'd had – that Dave was feeling insecure and reacting to his mother's visit. He'd been thinking it was about their relationship because Dave had been centering his actions on Sebastian…but could that actually be a good sign? If Dave was only acting that way with Sebastian because he felt confident in their relationship, even though he felt insecure about himself, then Sebastian didn't want to do anything to make Dave think he couldn't rely on him. If Dave was leaning on Sebastian because he knew Sebastian would be able to handle it, that was a good thing, wasn't it?

The problem, really, was that Sebastian didn't know exactly _what_ the problem was, and Dave seemed determined to pretend that there wasn't a problem at all.

Sebastian sighed and finally gave in to his need to check his watch. Dave was late. Not _alarmingly_ late, but enough to make Sebastian worry. Should he text Dave? Or would that just start the day off badly?

He hadn't felt this uncertain in how to act with Dave in over three months; not since that awkward talk while Dave was still in the hospital and Sebastian was still unsure if their tentative not-quite-relationship could ever be _anything_. Sebastian felt jumpy. He was second guessing himself and he _hated_ that.

His message tone grabbed his attention and Sebastian slid his phone out of his pocket to find a text from Dave.

_Srry I'm late. B there v soon._

If there was one thing Sebastian hated about texting, it was the lack of tone. How was he supposed to tell from a few hastily typed almost-words whether his boyfriend was happy? He didn't want to assume that the lateness was a bad sign, he had no way of knowing that and it would just make him even more anxious. No – he was just going to accept the most basic and logical possible reason; that Dave hadn't noticed the time.

It wasn't unlikely; in fact it had happened once already since Dave had stopped wearing his watch the morning after graduation day. It was a nice watch, clearly not cheap, but not so showy that it didn't suit Dave's normal clothes. Sebastian didn't ask his boyfriend why he had gotten rid of it, or even what he'd done with it. He knew it had been a gift from Mrs. Karofsky on Dave's sixteenth birthday. It had an engraving on the back, something that had upset Dave horrendously. Though Sebastian couldn't remember exactly what it said, he knew it was a loving sentiment from mother to son; something that was damaged beyond repair by her hurtful words.

Sebastian just wished he knew exactly what else her words had done, and what he could do to try and make things better. He was still lost in his thoughts, trying to put together some kind of plan to help Dave feel better and move past whatever hurt or insecurities were plaguing him, when Dave's voice pulled Sebastian's attention.

"Hey! I'm sorry I'm so late. I was having breakfast with Dad and I lost track of time." Dave looked hurried, but happy. He was running his right hand through his hair and smiling at Sebastian sheepishly. Sebastian could definitely live with his boyfriend running late as long as he was in a good frame of mind.

"It's fine," Sebastian replied as he stood, "you aren't _that_ late."

Dave grinned, and Sebastian found himself being dragged forward until he was completely folded into Dave's arms. He settled against the warm chest in front of him, hoping silently that the enthusiastic and cheerful mood Dave was in would last. "You're such a liar," Dave chuckled into Sebastian's shoulder. "I know I'm almost half an hour late. And knowing you, you were probably early. I'm sorry I kept you waiting."

"Don't be sorry, Bear Cub. You're here now, let's just enjoy our day, okay?"

"I…yeah, okay," Dave agreed, pulling away. Sebastian was disheartened, wondering if Dave's mood had already started to dim, but was buoyed when he felt his boyfriend's hand take his own.

Sebastian squeezed his fingers and resolved not to worry over every action the way he had been. They were going to have a good day.

* * *

"I don't even know how you can say that, Growly. That shirt looked fantastic on you."

Dave shook his head, looking embarrassed. "It was too small, Seb."

It _had_ been too small – just a little – but that was the point. It was tight, hugging Dave's chest and arms perfectly, emphasizing his muscles and strength. Dave had looked uncomfortable when he tried it on, but Sebastian had bought it anyway, determined to get Dave to wear it at least once. Even if Dave wore it just for him, rather than in public.

Maybe more than once…just for him.

"That's part of what made it look fantastic, babe," Sebastian winked, but he didn't get the response he was hoping for. Dave frowned into his soda, refusing to meet Sebastian's gaze. "Dave? What's wrong?"

"Nothing…it's…it's stupid."

"Why don't you let me be the judge of that?" Sebastian suggested as he prodded Dave's shin with his toe.

"I just…my body isn't like yours, Seb. It's not…I don't look good in tight clothes."

"That's ridiculous."

"It's _not_ ," Dave argued, but Sebastian wasn't going to let the confidence that Dave had been building over the last several months wither away without a fight.

"It _is_ ridiculous. Growly, you know me better than that. If something didn't suit you, I wouldn't be encouraging you to wear it. And I wouldn't be buying it even after you said no in the hope you would change your mind. You looked _hot_ in that shirt. And don't start me on your body because I can sit here for hours and tell you everything I love about it."

Dave flushed and bit his lip, which on one hand was sweet, but on the other was incredibly frustrating because Sebastian could see Dave struggling to believe him.

"You just…you _have_ to say that. It's…boyfriend law or something."

Sebastian quirked an eyebrow and leaned back in the uncomfortable food court chair. "Dave, when have I ever – and I mean _ever_ – said anything because I ' _have to'_?" Sebastian was making air quotes, and he knew his tone sounded bitchy but he needed to be clear or else Dave would probably never understand.

"I—"

"Never. Because I don't. And I don't give a fuck about how I'm _supposed_ to act or what I'm _supposed_ to say, because if it's not the truth it's pointless and stupid, and I endorse neither of those things. So I am going to say this again, and this time you are going to listen carefully and tell me if I sound anything but totally honest, okay?"

"But—"

" _Okay_?"

Dave sighed but nodded. "Okay."

"Good," Sebastian looped his foot around Dave's ankle under the table and leaned forward until Dave had no choice but to look right at him. "You looked _hot_ in that shirt. Whether you see it or not, your body is amazing. You are strong and muscular and broad and every fucking part of you turns me on." Sebastian grinned as Dave's eyes widened. "You are fucking _sexy_ , Bear Cub."

"You…I…" Dave looked flustered, but he was smiling. Sebastian watched as he took a deep breath and chuckled. "You're so biased, Seb."

"Bullshit," Sebastian countered, "you just don't see yourself right. You're gorgeous, okay? Yes, that shirt was tight, but it showed off your chest and those fucking obscene arms of yours. If I didn't think someone would try and steal you from me I'd burn all of your other shirts and replace them with ones as tight as this one. But they would, so let's just save the muscle-clinging, jaw-dropping, sexy shirts for special occasions. Or," Sebastian smirked, "when we're alone."

"That's…you really mean that?"

He looked pleased, but also bordering on awkward. If there was one thing Sebastian had learned since he and Dave had gotten closer, it was that there was a limit to how much sap Dave could handle before he started to feel uncomfortable. That worked fine with Sebastian, because he wasn't really one for a truckload of sentimentality either. "I said it, didn't I?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I guess you did."

Dave was smiling again, the mood had settled back into a good one, and Sebastian was quietly confident that Dave was feeling at least a little better about himself. One step at a time.

"So what time is the movie?" Dave asked.

"One-thirty," Sebastian replied in a scoffing tone.

"Seb, you promised you'd give it a chance!"

Sebastian had agreed to that, yes. But he figured that seeing it at all was fulfilling that promise. He didn't have to try and look forward to it as well. Except that Dave was excited about seeing it, which may have made Sebastian a little bit excited on his behalf. But only a little. And he wasn't inclined to admit that.

"I'm seeing it with you, Growly. I don't know how much more of a chance you can expect me to give," his tone was joking, even though Sebastian was being completely honest. Dave was grinning despite that. "It's a movie – _the third one, even_ – about aliens living among us and a secret agency dealing with them. And it's aimed at _children_ so there won't even be any really fun violent bits. I mean…seriously?"

Dave was beaming at him, _beaming_ , and it made Sebastian's stomach flutter. No one else ever looked at Sebastian like that; like he could make them happy even when he was acting bratty. "I lo—" Dave looked panicked, suddenly, and rushed the rest of his words. "I love that you're going to see it with me…even though you don't want to."

Sebastian didn't answer at first; he just rolled his eyes playfully. Dave looked flustered again, which was sad – Sebastian hated that Dave felt so grateful for such a minor thing, so he replied flippantly. "Well, maybe I'm hoping you'll get bored during the movie and find something more interesting to do in the dark." His words, thankfully, pulled something that felt like relief from his boyfriend. That time it was Dave who nudged him under the table, rather than the other way around. When their eyes met, Sebastian sent Dave a small but genuine smile and the mood settled comfortably. But then Dave glanced at his wrist; his face fell and the moment disappeared.

He cleared his throat awkwardly and covered his wrist with his other hand, as if to remind himself not to look again. "Do you know what time it is?"

"It's just past noon," Sebastian answered, though his mind was racing. He couldn't fix Dave's sadness over his mother, but he could try and replace negative associations with more positive ones. "Listen, babe, I just remembered there's something I need to do while I'm here."

"Oh, okay. Where are we headed?"

"No, it's fine, you wait here. I won't be long, I promise. Then we can look for that jersey you want before the movie, alright?" Dave looked a little disappointed and confused, but Sebastian didn't want to ruin what he hoped would be a nice surprise. He stood up and made his way around the table until he was standing by Dave's seat. "Just, relax here for a few minutes, okay? I'll be back really soon."

"I…yeah. Alright."

The uncertainty on Dave's face was awful for Sebastian, but he knew Dave would understand once he got back. And if Sebastian tried to tell him what he was doing, Dave wouldn't let him. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to Dave's cheek, feeling better when he saw his boyfriend give him a tiny smile.

"I'll be right back."

* * *

He wasn't right back, although it wasn't his fault. Exactly how incompetent could some people be at their jobs, anyway?

It should have taken him ten minutes at the most. He knew exactly what he wanted, had seen it as he passed the store earlier but hadn't thought much about it until he was sitting with Dave. And in fairness, it wasn't the clerk who had held him up, it was the engraver.

Sebastian was frustrated and annoyed; the gift was perfect, at least, but he had left Dave in the food court nearly thirty minutes earlier. He wouldn't blame his boyfriend if he was pissed. Sebastian would be.

Rushing back to the table, Sebastian was relieved to see that Dave was still waiting for him. He didn't look angry, but this was probably worse. He looked _hurt_ and Sebastian hated that.

Dave glanced up and caught his eye, but instead of looking happy that Sebastian was back he looked like he regretted not disappearing while Sebastian was gone and _fuck,_ he could only imagine what awful things Dave had convinced himself of while Sebastian wasn't there. He'd been a little upset when Sebastian asked him to wait, which should have warned him considering Dave's frame of mind lately. And it had, really, but he wanted to surprise his boyfriend and he hadn't expected to be gone long enough for Dave to feel any worse about it.

He sat down at the table, in the seat beside Dave this time, rather than opposite.

"Hey Growly," Sebastian started, frowning when Dave's arm tensed under his palm. "Fuck, babe, I'm sorry I took so long. I really only thought I'd be a few minutes but—"

"It doesn't matter." Dave looked agitated to Sebastian, but he clearly didn't want to seem that way. He was trying to act casual, but he was tense and his tone was flat.

It was – _God_ – it reminded him of the way Dave had started acting around his mother before she walked out on her family, and the idea that Dave felt so terrible because of something he had done made Sebastian sick to his stomach.

"It _does_ matter, Dave. I'm sorry. I tried to be as fast as I could. But wait until you see—"

"Seriously, Sebastian. Don't worry about it. Just…let's just go to get my jersey and then we'll go home, okay?" Dave stood and began to head out of the food court, Sebastian following him quickly. His tone was still all wrong, an edge was creeping into it and Sebastian knew if he kept pushing then Dave would just get more upset.

He wanted, more than anything, to show Dave his surprise, to see his face light up, but Sebastian knew Dave well enough to know when he needed to give his boyfriend some space. And it was so rare for Dave to call him Sebastian that he honestly wasn't sure a gift would be welcome right at that moment.

"I…okay. But we're not going home until after the movie. You've been looking forward to it for ages."

"Forget about it, it's not important. And you don't even want to see it anyway," Dave didn't sound snide, not exactly, but there was a hint of bitterness that Sebastian had never expected to hear from him.

What could he do aside from reassure Dave? Sebastian didn't know what was going through Dave's head, but clearly something about his actions had upset him beyond needing to wait alone. Was he feeling insecure, like earlier? Had Sebastian been too confident about Dave feeling better and left him to stew in his own self-consciousness? Maybe while Sebastian was gone Dave had started to think about it again, getting himself down.

There was nothing else he could think of, not anything that would provoke this kind of mood. He slipped his hand into Dave's, relieved when his boyfriend didn't pull away.

"No, I don't want to see the movie, not really," he admitted cautiously, "but you do. And I want to see it _with_ you, if that makes any difference."

Dave stopped abruptly, and turned to stare at Sebastian. There was nothing telling on his face, nothing to give Sebastian an idea of how his boyfriend was feeling; that was really unusual and, if Sebastian were honest, kind of scary. They stood there like that for what felt like forever, something indefinable gripping Sebastian's lungs tightly, until Dave's expression finally softened into something else, still sad maybe, but not so distant.

"It does," Dave squeezed his fingers and the painful tension in Sebastian's chest loosened, "it…it makes a difference."

Whatever sadness or self-consciousness Dave was feeling was still there, it was all over his face. Sebastian wanted – _needed_ – to fix it. He needed to find a way to make Dave happy and confident again because seeing him so uncertain, so insecure, made Sebastian's heart hurt.

* * *

When they arrived at the sporting goods store, Dave headed straight over to the football jerseys. Sebastian shadowed him for a few minutes, but when it became obvious that Dave wanted to act like nothing had happened, he sighed and made his way to the other side of the store. He needed a new net for his lacrosse stick; he might as well look while they were there.

Even though he tried to pay attention to what was in front of him, Sebastian couldn't help but watch Dave from across the store. He was holding a jersey, so he'd apparently found what he wanted, but he was still meandering around the football section, browsing through equipment and team merchandise. Every now and then he caught Dave's eye and his boyfriend sent him a half smile – not the happy grin Sebastian loved so much, but a sad smile like he was _trying_. That, Sebastian reminded himself, was better than nothing.

"Ooh…what about that guy over there? In the cap?"

If there was one sound that grated on Sebastian's nerves even more than Hummel's girly voice, it was vapid giggling. And God, the girls near him weren't exactly quiet about it. He would have abandoned his search for new gear immediately if he hadn't glanced up to see a redhead in ridiculously short shorts – even for that time of year – trying to point Dave out to her friend as subtly as she could.

Her friend, a girl with short blonde hair and a volleyball under one arm, bit her lip and studied Dave for a moment before whispering back, not nearly quietly enough to avoid being overheard. "Umm…he could be either way. Big guys like that are either _totally_ stacked or, like, _miniature_ downstairs. Oh my _God_ , do you remember Brandon? He was, like, _tiny_!"

They were tittering brainlessly again and Sebastian stamped down his urge to cringe. Dave needed a confidence boost; maybe these girls could make themselves useful. They didn't seem to realize he was there, so he decided to have a little fun, moving quietly closer, until he was right behind them.

"Well, _that_ guy's not tiny," Sebastian interrupted over Red's shoulder, in his best conspiratorial voice. The girls jumped and Volleyball let out a shrill but quickly aborted squeal. "He's _definitely_ stacked."

The girls stared at him for a moment, eyes wide with embarrassment, before they broke back into giggles. He plastered on his best faux _I-Find-You-Amusing-And-I-Don't-Want-To-Strangle-You_ face. It obviously worked, because Red paused long enough to smile at Sebastian and bat her eyelashes in a way that he could tell was rehearsed regularly.

"I can't believe you heard that! How embarrassing!" She giggled again and Sebastian suppressed a shudder.

Unlike Red, Volleyball was half ignoring Sebastian in favor of eyeing Dave across the store. With the way she was mentally sizing his boyfriend up, Sebastian might have been irritated. Except that she was missing some pretty vital parts if she wanted Dave to be attracted to her, so instead it just seemed really funny.

"How do you know?" she asked, trying unsuccessfully to catch Dave's attention. "Have you, like, seen him in the locker room or something?"

This was almost too easy.

"We play on the same team," Sebastian replied, as innocently as he could manage. "It's hard not to notice during showers." He smirked internally, keeping his expression as settled as possible when both girls perked up.

" _Really_?" Red was looking more intrigued in the conversation, finally, than in seeing if she could garner Sebastian's interest. She prodded her friend and made some complicated facial expression that left Sebastian even happier than normal that he preferred cock. "And you'd consider him…" she winked at Volleyball, "… _hung_?"

"Oh yeah," Sebastian agreed, casually. "He puts the other guys to shame."

Volleyball grinned while Red gave her a small shove and hissed ' _go over'_ in her ear. "Does he have a girlfriend?"

"Nope," he replied, lip curling into a grin that he hoped looked encouraging rather than mocking.

That was completely true, of course, although entirely misleading. Dave didn't have a girlfriend. He did, on the other hand, have a _boyfriend_.

"Are you sure?" Red glanced between her friend and Dave, clearly plotting, which was precisely what Sebastian had been hoping for. If one of these girls showed a little interest in Dave then maybe he'd feel more confident and attractive; Sebastian had tried to reassure his boyfriend but Dave had made it clear earlier that he didn't really consider Sebastian an impartial judge.

"Definitely no girlfriend," he confirmed. Dave chose that moment to glance over and Volleyball waved. He looked a little confused, but waved back hesitantly. Sebastian winked at him while the girls weren't paying attention and Dave shot back a small smile.

Volleyball let out a tiny shriek that sounded shrill to Sebastian, but couldn't have been as loud as it seemed since Dave apparently didn't hear it.

"He's perfect," Red remarked, "totally adorable. You should go over there." She gave her friend another small push in Dave's direction.

The girls started whispering frantically with each other. Sebastian could only make out the occasional word, not that he cared to hear any more than that. After a few moments of insipid noises and incomprehensible facial expressions, Volleyball pulled back looking uncertain. "Oh, but what if he's awful in bed?"

As soon as she said it, she glanced at Sebastian. Her eyes widened and she flushed a deep scarlet, as though she'd forgotten he was even there. "I mean…uh…"

Sebastian laughed and shook his head.

"Now, ladies, I have it on very good authority that your worries are completely unfounded."

And okay, he was playing with them. Of course he still wanted to boost Dave's confidence but that didn't mean he couldn't amuse himself while he was at it. Besides, he was still telling the truth; not only because Dave was _great_ in bed, but also because they didn't need to be concerned about Dave's sexual abilities. Neither of them would ever get the opportunity to experience them, anyway.

Red looked at her friend encouragingly. "Do it! Go and talk to him. I'll stay here with…" she drifted off and looked at Sebastian expectantly.

"Sebastian."

"I'm Ashley," she replied, pleased, and then turned back to Volleyball. "I'll wait here and chat with Sebastian. Go on, Jess," she shooed her friend in Dave's general direction. Sebastian cleared his throat, not wanting to be stuck with Red, nor wanting Dave to feel awkward if he had to talk to Volleyball alone.

"Jess, was it? I can introduce you, if you'd like," he offered smoothly. Red frowned but Sebastian didn't give either girl the opportunity to argue as he made his way toward Dave.

* * *

"What the fuck were you even _thinking_?"

They were in the car park. Sebastian had barely managed to keep up with his boyfriend's long and angry strides as he left the mall. It wasn't until they'd gotten outside that Dave had turned to face him, looking both furious and somehow completely devastated at the same time. It was not a look Sebastian ever wanted to see on his face again.

Dave was yelling at him. Actually, _really_ yelling. That was something that Sebastian wasn't used to, not in the slightest, and he had honestly no idea what to do.

" _Fuck_ , Sebastian," Dave was still shouting and Sebastian was still silent, because what could he say or do when he didn't know what was so wrong? Dave's eyes were red-rimmed as though his outrage was the only thing stopping him from _crying_ and that was possibly the worst thing ever – for Sebastian to know it was somehow his fault that Dave looked and felt that way. "Why would you even…how could you have found that _funny_?"

Needless to say, Dave hadn't react the way Sebastian had hoped. He'd been friendly at first, if a little confused when Sebastian introduced the girls. Sebastian had thought it was going well; Dave was smiling and he seemed happy enough, but once he'd realized that Volleyball – Jess – was hitting on him, everything changed.

At first Ashley had tried to flirt with Sebastian. Dave had looked annoyed at her for a moment until Sebastian had made his lack of interest clear. To her credit she didn't need to be told again. Once that was no longer an issue, it took Dave a little longer to figure out that the spiky haired blonde was interested in him. Sebastian wasn't really surprised by that. Dave had no trouble seeing Sebastian as attractive; he just never really considered that others might be interested in _him_.

He picked up her hints after a few minutes, though he was still friendly to her once he did. Dave wasn't a dick about things like that, though he did look uncomfortable. That wasn't completely surprising either – Dave wasn't the best at accepting flattery and he kept shooting Sebastian worried looks, but he figured Dave would loosen up once he realized that the girls were harmless.

Except that he didn't loosen up, he got more anxious. The whole situation had actually gotten worse, more strained, and by the time Sebastian realized how upset Dave was getting it was too late to abort the whole thing. Eventually the girls had picked up on the tension and left, although Sebastian thought he saw Volleyball slip a bit of paper into Dave's back pocket. If the way Dave had flinched was any indication, she'd done a little more than that. Sebastian would have been annoyed at her wandering hands if he wasn't too busy trying to figure out why his boyfriend was so mad, and what he could do to fix it.

"I don't…I just…Growly, why are you so upset?"

He just didn't get it, but from the look on Dave's face, he should have.

Sebastian wasn't sure what had been so incredibly terrible for Dave. Okay, the girls were sort of ditzy and definitely annoying, but the way the blonde had flirted had to be flattering, right? He didn't know where he'd miscalculated; Dave had always laughed with him before, had always responded well to his more manipulative side, as long as Sebastian wasn't unfairly malicious about it and Dave wasn't the subject. And he hadn't stepped over either of those boundaries – there was nothing nasty or hurtful in what Sebastian had done, and he certainly hadn't been manipulating Dave. Sebastian just wanted to show Dave that he was sexy – and not just to Sebastian because of ' _boyfriend law_ ' or whatever other ridiculous bias Dave imagined Sebastian to have.

"Don't you even care _at all_ that that girl was hitting on me in front of you?"

 _Was that all? Did he just want Sebastian to show a bit of possessiveness?_ Okay, Sebastian wasn't stupid enough to ask that, not when Dave was so emotional. He obviously had to tread carefully because there had to be more going on there, but why would Sebastian have been possessive or upset? Dave had never shown any desire for Sebastian to act that way before. But, regardless, Sebastian had no reason to be jealous in this case; it wasn't as though Dave would be interested in a girl, let alone an airheaded one who wandered around malls questioning the size of the guys' packages around her.

"Come on, Bear Cub," he coaxed, trying to calm Dave down with a hand on his bicep. "She was harmless. Didn't you think it was sort of flattering and funny at all?"

The look on Dave's face wasn't one that Sebastian had ever seen directed at him; wasn't one he'd ever even _anticipated_ he'd see directed at him. Dave looked angry, heartbroken, and worst of all, _betrayed_. Sebastian knew he was a fuck up, had _always_ known he was a fuck up, but he'd forgotten at some point. Dave had made him forget, and Sebastian had fucked up, just like he'd known he would. But even still, he didn't know why what he'd done was so bad. It was obvious, though, from the raw pain on Dave's face and the sinking, sick feeling in Sebastian's gut, that it _was_ bad, that this wasn't the kind of little fuck up Dave would shrug off and calm down from.

"No," Dave answered, firmly. His voice was broken, but his tone didn't allow for argument. It sounded final in a way that petrified Sebastian; that left him feeling as though he was scrambling to hold on even though he couldn't find the ability to move or to speak. "Because it _wasn't_ funny. You didn't even care at all, did you?" And that was wrong, all wrong. Sebastian cared; he cared more than anything, which was the whole point of – _God_ –that was the whole point of _everything_. But he was too cowed and too panicked from that look on Dave's face and the edge in his voice to put the words together to tell him so.

"Why are you even _with_ me, Sebastian? I'm just…I'm wasting my fucking time with you, aren't I?" No, no, no. That was…that sounded _—no._ "You know what? I—I can't do this."

His voice cracked as he spoke, not angry anymore, not even really sounding like Dave anymore, just low and empty. When Dave pulled his hands back from where they'd been pressed against his eyes they were wet with tears and Sebastian came back to himself, finally. He was moving, fisting his hands into Dave's shirt and asking, begging, _pleading_ for Dave to just stop, to listen, to _not fucking do this_.

" _Don't_ , Dave, _fuck_! Please, listen. Just…just let me…just _please_..." But the words weren't right, they didn't make sense and he wasn't saying what he needed to say, what he needed Dave to hear. He was too upset, too flustered, too blindsided to collect his thoughts, and Dave was shaking his head sadly which left Sebastian stumbling even harder to articulate.

Dave cut him off, actually covering Sebastian's mouth with one hand when he didn't stop trying to find a way to change what Dave was telling him.

"I _can't_ ," Dave was crying and _fuck_ so was Sebastian. He could feel tears tickling his nose and somewhere in the back of his mind he knew that people were around, that they must have been watching, but he couldn't find it in himself to feel humiliated when Dave was…when he was…doing _this_.

"Sebastian I…" he hesitated, and for a split second Sebastian felt hopeful, as though maybe Dave had changed his mind, maybe it would be alright. But then strong hands were uncurling Sebastian's fingers, slipping the fabric of Dave's shirt from his grasp. "I fucking _love_ you. _I love you._ I could be okay with you not loving me...it hurts, okay? It fucking _hurts_ but that…I could deal with that _._ But I can't deal with loving you and knowing you aren't even serious about this relationship…I can't just be your friend that you call a boyfriend. It's— _it's over_."

Dave's hand disappeared from his mouth, and Sebastian tried to argue, he _did_ , but he couldn't wrap his head around what had just happened. He could barely even think, let alone speak, because Dave loved him, he _loved_ him, and _fucking hell_ that should have been the best thing Sebastian had ever heard. But it wasn't – it was the fucking worst, because it hadn't been an admission, it had been a goodbye.

Sebastian's skin felt tight and clammy; his vision was blurry and his blood was rushing in his ears and his airway was closing up so he just _couldn't breathe_.

He needed to do something, needed to show Dave, needed to fix _everything_ but he couldn't because his stomach was in his throat, his heart was bleeding on the floor and his chest felt like it was just a gaping wound where Dave had carved out his fucking _soul._ And Dave wasn't even _there_ ; not with Sebastian and not anywhere Sebastian could see.

He'd left.


End file.
